Part of a Letter to a Ghost

Walking Alone on a Beach Named Seacliff

I went out to the beach the night I learned you were gone

I don’t know why I was there

Maybe I thought staring into the horizons would give me some answers

Or I could walk along the shoreline, asking questions

talking to myself like some schizophrenic madman

asking questions

I remember the skies were cloudy that night, but they never looked so empty to me before

I don’t know how many days it’s been since then, only a few

but they tend to blur together

I’ve never felt so alone

I felt alone walking along the beach and I feel alone laying in my bed

I want desperately to reach out and touch someone, believe me I do

but I can’t

I don’t know why

I don’t know what’s keeping me

maybe it’s the fear that if I attach myself to anyone ever again it will end up just like this

with me, writing some stupid words on a computer screen that no one will read

it’s maddening

this feeling of being alone

I remember, while on the beach, I gave up, I couldn’t walk anymore

so I sat down

or I fell down

and starred into the crashing waves

and I wanted terribly to throw my body against them

let them carry me away

I think I did that, in one or another

‘cause that’s what it feels like now,

like I’m stuck in the middle of an ocean

remember when I told you my deepest fear?

that’s what I’m in now

flailing about in the middle of a dark ocean

not sure where the bottom is, and not sure how long I can stay afloat

I’m surrounded by boats but I don’t reach out to them

I’m too tired from swimming to reach out

besides, they don’t even notice me anyway.

So I kick and I flail and I struggle

but I can feel my body giving up slowly, getting too tired to keep my head up

and I feel my head, bobbing in and out of water

in and out of air.

I’m utterly and completely alone.

Kind of a poem, kind of a song. I was thinking of putting chords to it.

To live another’s life to wear another’s skin

When I was young and vulnerable I used to cry out to the wind

I’d cry for it save me

in the rain and in the dusk

For it to pick me up and blow me somewhere far away

But I should’ve known that the wind wasn’t someone I could trust

Instead it made me cold and hard as it  blew me away like dust

The Power

Fight the force when you are the force

And kill the crux in your heart

‘cause it’s the cross you bear

When you stare

At the bare

And naked flesh

That is your soul

Basking in the sunlight

Getting a snow white tan

Filled with empty voids

And casking in their casket

It’s keuroacian dreams and ginsberg hallucinations

Mistaken as messages from angels

Long since dead

Impaled by their own halos

Strangled by devils of damn nations

And killed to fill the abyss

Of these tree people

Who am the what saying?

It’s in your mind dear reader

Its all you create

Fight the power

With the power

You are the power

Strange New Paradise

Hello strange new paradise

Where whiskey brawls and cigarette joints fill the atmosphere

Where neon cut outs fill the hearts of countless woman

Where boys in raggedy trousers speak out

THIS IS NOT WHAT WE WANTED

But they know its what they deserve

Where fire and ice mix together in an eternal dance

And no one says a thing

Where you and I are kings and queens

But peasants compared to the rest of the earth

Where I can let out more mournful howl and hear a howl back

But know its just the wolves in the night

Because in this strange new paradise

We are alone.